22 September 2019

If I Rebooted It (A Final Outline from an Ex-"Star Wars" Fan)

I wrestled with whether or not it was appropriate to post this, seeing as I've deleted almost all posts pertaining to Star Wars (an action I've since come to regret to an extent). In the end, I felt it would serve as a fair coda to my time as a Star Wars fanfic writer.

Right as my status as a SW fan was receiving last rites, I toyed with the idea of writing an entire Original Trilogy rewrite; I even typed out a few pages before my soured feelings put a kibosh on the whole deal. I no longer have those pages, having deleted them, but I did preserve the outline of ideas I had conceived in preparation.

So, with no further ado, my final dip into the SW sandbox, my vision for a SW OT reboot:

GENERAL CHANGES

  • My OT would be semi-hard science fiction, with a few fantastical elements, rather than outright science fantasy. Things like 3D space travel would be featured, but people walking around inside giant space slugs without spacesuits in Earth-normal gravity would be out of the question.
  • My OT would take place in the Milky Way Galaxy, in “the 33rd century A.E.”, hundreds of thousands of years into the future. Humans and near-humans would be the only sapient life inhabiting the galaxy; there’d be no genuine aliens.
  • Projectile weapons such as coilguns and smart missiles would be featured, with energy weapons taking lesser precedence.
  • The lightsaber would be somewhat different. It’d be a weapon only trained Force-users can activate and wield. It’d possess a monomolecular blade of “energized particles” which can cut through most anything but doesn’t generate any actual heat. Jedi lightsabers would be red while Sith lightsabers blue.
  • No manned fighters. All fighters would either be outfitted with AIs (Empire) or remote controlled (Rebel).
  • There’d be no light/dark dichotomy to the Force.
  • No Force ghosts.

STAR WARS

  • Luke would be changed into a female character named “Leia Skywalker”.
  • Leia would become Princess Zara Antilles.
  • The Death Star would not make a physical appearance. Zara would be imprisoned on Vader’s Star Destroyer and all scenes pertaining to her rescue would take place there.
  • Ben would survive his duel with Vader.
  • The film would end with our heroes escaping for Hoth.

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

  • My version of TESB would open a couple weeks after the events of SW. The damages to the Falcon would’ve been those sustained during our heroes’ escape from Vader’s ship; Leia would be furthering her training under Ben; etc.
  • Dodonna would take Rieekan’s place.
  • The Leia/Han/Zara love triangle would be a bisexual one.
  • The walkers would be replaced with tanks.
  • Ben would be slain by Vader while helping our heroes escape Hoth.
  • In contrast to Ben, Yoda would be quite the PT-era Jedi. He would teach Leia that Jedi are forbidden from forming attachments, including romantic ones.
  • Bespin wouldn’t have a breathable atmosphere.
  • Six months would explicitly pass between the Battle of Hoth and the duel on Cloud City.
  • I’m on the fence as to whether Vader would be Leia’s father or not.
  • Leia would join Vader.

REVENGE OF THE JEDI

  • Three years would’ve passed since TESB. Leia would’ve spent that time receiving Sith training from Vader.
  • The one and only Death Star would finally make its debut.
  • Motti would take Jerjerrod’s place.
  • Emperor Palpatine would be reimagined as Espaa Valorum, the beautiful, androgynous, ageless Dark Lord of the Sith.
  • Under his helmet, Vader would be revealed as a handsome middle-aged man without any injuries or disfigurements.
  • No Ewoks, no Endor. The Rebel fleet would attack the Death Star above Had Abbadon, and we’d get a trench run much like the one from A New Hope. No muss, no fuss.
  • Valorum would zap Leia with his lightning; Vader would skewer him on his lightsaber; then Leia and Vader would have their climactic duel.
  • Leia would slay Vader à la Dooku. Vader would die in his sins, unredeemed.
  • The film would end on a bittersweet note, with the Death Star destroyed, Han and Zara together, and Leia assuming command of the Executor and going off on her own, intent on building a First Order free of Jedi/Sith dogma.

13 September 2019

Kal-El's Abilities

50 light-years from Earth there once existed a planet known as Krypton. There civilization was far advanced and had brought forth a race of supermen whose mental and physical powers were developed to the absolute peak of human perfect. Krypton's sole survivor Kal-El, raised on Earth as Clark Kent, uses the amazing powers bequeathed to him in his neverending battle for truth and justice as the costumed superhero Superman.

Due to various extenuating factors (mutation, age, etc.), Kal's abilities have fluctuated wildly over the decades.

(1938-1958)

An infant when he arrived on Earth, it took 22 years for Kal's natural abilities to emerge and mature, reaching their peak once he learned to fly in 1938. His powerset from then to 1958 was the baseline Kryptonian powerset.

PRIMARY ABILITIES

Abilities Kal can voluntarily control.

FLIGHT

  • Can be expanded to objects of lesser/equal mass he is in physical contact with.
  • Electromagnetic in nature, this ability can be impaired by strong electric/magnetic fields.

INVULNERABILITY

  • Capable of withstanding up to 2092 megajoules.
  • Can be expanded/transferred to objects of lesser/equal mass he is in physical contact with.
  • Can be contracted to facilitate shaving, haircuts, etc.
  • Electromagnetic in nature, this ability can be impaired by strong electric/magnetic fields.

MICROSCOPIC VISION

  • Capable of focusing in on molecules with a bond length of 0.74 Å.

SUPER HEARING

  • Capable of perceiving sounds in the infrasonic to ultrasonic ranges within a 5 km radius.

SUPER SPEED

  • Capable of attaining a maximum speed of 4939 km/h (on ground) 1975 km/h (in flight).

SUPER STRENGTH

  • Capable of lifting a maximum of 90 metric tons.

TELESCOPIC VISION

  • Capable of focusing in on objects with a 68 cm circumference/21 cm diameter from a distance of 5 km.

X-RAY VISION

SECONDARY ABILITIES

Abilities Kal cannot voluntarily control.

ACCELERATED HEALING

  • Capable of fully recovering from injuries as severe as 4th-degree burns to 60% of his body within a year (with medical assistance).

GENIUS-LEVEL INTELLECT

IMMUNITY

  • Immune to all naturally occurring terrestrial infections/poisons.

LONGEVITY

  • Has a 1000-year lifespan.

EIDETIC MEMORY

RADIATION ABSORPTION

  • Capable of absorbing, storing, and metabolizing ambient radiation, enabling his other abilities.
  • The number of abilities he can possess, and the intensity at which he can possess them, increases/decreases in exact proportion to the amount of ambient radiation he can absorb/retain.
  • Incapable of safely processing high doses of ionizing radiation. Exposure turns his skin translucent, force-feeding his cells energy to the point of incapacitation, eventually leading to apoptosis.
SUPER STAMINA

  • Capable of going without oxygen up to 90 minutes, water up to 2 weeks, sleep over 5 weeks, and food up to 7 weeks.

SUPER VISION

  • 8 times stronger than average human vision.
  • Capable of perceiving colours in the near-infrared to near-ultraviolet ranges.

(1958-1985)

In 1947, Kal was exposed to black kryptonite, splitting him into two separate individuals — an amoral Superman and a cowardly Clark Kent. Eleven years following this separation, Superman travelled to Universe 29, where in his fateful encounter with his twisted Bizarro counterpart he was first exposed to blue kryptonite. Exposure to this alien kryptonite increased his powers tenfold, giving him the strength needed to beat his opponent. Upon returning to Universe 1, he had a large crystal of blue K synthesized, whereupon he began habitually bathing himself in its radiations, further augmenting his powers. By the turn of the decade, Superman was in possession of a vast repertoire of godlike powers which no other Kryptonian possessed.

PRIMARY ABILITIES

FLIGHT

  • Can be expanded to objects within a 40,075 km radius.

FREEZE BREATH

  • Capable of lowering temperatures to -272 °C.

HEAT VISION

  • Capable of raising temperatures to 6000 °C.

INTANGIBILITY

INVULNERABILITY

  • Capable of withstanding up to 1.3 x 10^44 joules.
  • Can be expanded to objects within a 40,075 km radius.

MICROSCOPIC VISION

  • Capable of focusing in on quarks.

REPLICATION

  • Capable of dividing into two Supermen with halved powers.

SHAPESHIFTING

SUPER FLARE

  • Capable of releasing all the stored energy in his cells as a destructive nova blast.

SUPER HEARING

  • Capable of perceiving sounds in the infrasonic to ultrasonic ranges within a 7.5 billion km radius.

SUPER HYPNOTISM

SUPER SPEED

  • Capable of attaining a maximum speed of 300,000 km/s.

SUPER STRENGTH

  • Capable of lifting a maximum of 1.30900 × 10^22 kg.

SUPER VENTRILOQUISM

SUPER VISION

  • Capable of perceiving every wavelength across the electromagnetic spectrum.

TELEKINESIS

TELESCOPIC VISION

  • Capable of focusing in on objects with a 21 km diameter from a distance of 7.5 billion km.

WORMHOLE GENERATION

X-RAY VISION

SECONDARY ABILITIES

GENIUS-LEVEL INTELLECT

IMMUNITY

LONGEVITY

  • Has a 100,000-year lifespan.

EIDETIC MEMORY

REGENERATION

  • Capable of fully recovering from injuries as severe as 4th-degree burns to 90% of his body instantaneously.

RADIATION ABSORPTION

SUPER STAMINA

  • Capable of going without oxygen, water, sleep, and food indefinitely.

(1985-1993)

In 1985, Superman and Clark were finally merged back into a single individual. While the superpowered Superman hadn't aged a year in the decades they were separated, the non-powered Clark had. This had a noticeable effect on the reconstituted Kal-El, as not only did he possess a middle-aged Kryptonian form, but his powers had been significantly decreased, though not to their original pre-blue K levels.

PRIMARY ABILITIES

FLIGHT

  • Can be expanded to objects within a 202 metre radius.
  • Electromagnetic in nature, this ability can be impaired by strong electric/magnetic fields.

FREEZE BREATH

  • Capable of lowering temperatures to -63 °C.

HEAT VISION

  • Capable of raising temperatures to 3,300 °C.

INVULNERABILITY

  • Capable of withstanding 6.2e+7 megajoules.
  • Can be expanded to objects within a 202 metre radius.
  • Can be contracted to facilitate shaving, haircuts, etc.
  • Electromagnetic in nature, this ability can be impaired by strong electric/magnetic fields.

MICROSCOPIC VISION

  • Capable of focusing in on atoms.

SUPER HEARING

  • Capable of perceiving sounds in the infrasonic to ultrasonic ranges within a 33 km radius.

SUPER SPEED

  • Capable of attaining a maximum speed of 692,000 km/h.

SUPER STRENGTH

  • Capable of lifting a maximum of 5,216,308 metric tons.

TELESCOPIC VISION

  • Capable of focusing in on objects with a 44 cm circumference/4 cm diameter from a distance of 33 km.

X-RAY VISION

SECONDARY ABILITIES

GENIUS-LEVEL INTELLECT

IMMUNITY

LONGEVITY

  • Has a 10,000-year lifespan.

EIDETIC MEMORY

REGENERATION

  • Capable of fully recovering from injuries as severe as 4th-degree burns to 70% of his body within 5 hours.

RADIATION ABSORPTION

SUPER STAMINA

SUPER VISION

  • 16 times stronger than average human vision.
  • Capable of perceiving colours in the near-infrared to near-ultraviolet ranges.

06 September 2019

The Great "Star Wars" Purge

I've gone and deleted almost every Star Wars-related post I ever put on this blog. The scripts and short stories I wrote remain available to read, but everything else is dust in the wind. Why? Because Star Wars is an absurd farce. Original, prequel, or sequel trilogies, it doesn't matter — it's all one great heap of consumerist trash undeserving of reverence, worthy only of mockery, and I don't want to be reminded of its existence any longer.


R. I. P.

My Love of Star Wars

1996 — 2019